


Breaking

by centreoftheselights



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Anger, Angst, Arguing, Break Up, Caretaking, Grief, Heartbreak, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Romangst and Loganst and Pattangst (feat. Virgil), Self-Doubt, Sick Roman Sanders, Sickfic, Stress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 02:44:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17500088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/centreoftheselights/pseuds/centreoftheselights
Summary: Roman is sick. Logan has been taking care of him. And Patton -Patton isn't there.





	Breaking

Logan strokes his fingers through Roman's hair. Sitting half-upright in a bed with someone asleep in your lap is not the most comfortable position, but he doesn't mind. Roman seems to be sleeping a little better with him here.

Logan turns the page in his book with one hand, and Roman startles awake, thrashing. He blinks, his eyes fever-glazed and his cheeks stained an uneven red.

"Lo? That you?"

His voice is hoarse and cracking.

"Yes Roman, I'm here. Would you like some water?"

Roman doesn't respond to the question.

"Where's Pat?"

Logan swallows, hard.

"He'll be back soon," he lies. "Can you drink for me, love?"

He busies himself trying to get some water into Roman. He only manages about half a glass before he's collapsing back against the pillows again. He squirms away from Logan's lap this time, curls up against the pillow nearest the wall. He's clinging onto Patton's cardigan.

Logan had brought the cardigan here because he thought it might smell like Patton. Perhaps to Roman it still does. Logan can't smell anything in this room any more but bile and sweat and sickness.

Roman has just drifted back to sleep when the door opens.

His heart leaps with hope for a fraction of a second – but it's Virgil. Of course it's Virgil. Virgil has been helping so much, and Logan hates to feel disappointed that he isn't -

"How's he doing?"

"A little better, I think," Logan says. "He's keeping more water down today, and his colour seems to be improving. There's a chance the fever will break soon."

"Maybe."

Neither of them talks about how much weight Roman has lost, how weak he looks, how much pain he's suffering. How they still don't know what's causing this, or how to fix it – how none of the books Logan has read have helped at all, and they can't go to the hospital because they're not _real_ , but if they're not real then how is it possible that Roman is -

"I can stay with him for a while, if you want to take a break," Virgil says.

He doesn't say: _go talk to him_.

He doesn't need to.

"Yes, that's probably a good idea," Logan agrees.

After all, it's Virgil's idea. That has to be worth more than his are lately.

 

He finds Patton in the kitchen, nursing a cup of tea. He watches in silence as Logan pours himself some coffee. He's been drinking more and more, the past couple of weeks. Ever since the symptoms started.

"He's been asking for you again," Logan says as he sits down.

Patton winces, but he doesn't look up.

Logan sighs. He didn't come here to fight. But there's nothing left inside him any more except grief and fear and anger, and Patton is tangled up right at the centre of it all.

"He misses you," he says instead, in a soft, desperate voice that sounds all too much like begging.

"I – I can't," Patton says. "Lo, please -"

"Even a brief visit -"

"It isn't about how long I'm there, you know that." Patton shakes his head. "I can't – handle it. Seeing him like that. I'm - I'm not strong enough, to watch him go through that..."

"You say that like you've given up on him already."

Patton doesn't answer, and fury burns hot in Logan's veins.

"You know what, maybe you're right. Maybe it's too late, maybe I've failed, but at least I'm still _trying_. And I know – perhaps I could have done more, if I'd stayed away, but you weren't there, and I needed him to know that _someone_ still loved him -"

"How can you say that?" Patton shrinks back. "Of course I still love him. I love both of you, so much that I – I'm _breaking_ , Lo, I can't stand it -"

The tears are running down Patton's face, and once Logan would have been stopped cold by that sight.

Now, he's just tired.

"He needs you," he says. "I _need_ you. And you aren't there."

"So." Patton gives him that familiar half-smile, even through his tears. "I guess that's all there is to it, huh?"

Logan runs a hand through his hair.

“You're… going to regret this, Patton.” He bites his lip. “Perhaps for a very long time.”

Patton's eyes flash with emotion, just for a moment.

“Don't you give up on him, Logan.”

“I suppose I can't, can I?” Logan sighs and shakes his head. “I have to go. My _boyfriend_ needs me.”

He turns and walks away, ears straining for any sound, but Patton doesn't call after him.

Virgil leaves without a word when he sees Logan's expression, and Logan settles himself in the chair with yet another thick textbook on his lap. The words swim in his vision as the tears begin to fall, but he forces himself to keep reading, just one more page, just one more piece of exposition, just one explanation that can fix this all -

And Roman sleeps fitfully on, his fever showing no sign of breaking.


End file.
